Allah Save Us! It's Evil Barbie!

According to an article at MSNBC [link], justice officials in Iran are extremely stressed out over the amount of Western consumer goods being smuggled into the country, especially Western toys like Barbie.

While the rest of the modern, civilized world is worried about things like, (for instance) terrorism, crime, starvation, drugs, Islamic slave trading, cowardice killings of Islamic women, high gas prices, food shortages, bank failures, mortgage forclosures, these bearded religious goons from The Dark Ages are worried about children being corrupted by Barbie and Spiderman.

The average Iranian parent on the street who struggles to make a living only wants to love his or her children and see them happy, and so naturally the demand for Western toys has fueled a thriving contraband trade.

All of this prompts me to repeat what I've said before: If we really want to combat Islamic terrorism, what we have to do is pour the fuel onto a jacked-up ideological war against religious hardliners. I say we should literally FLOOD those countries with as much Western decadence as we possibly can. We need to let the average Islamic citizen taste the fruits of freedom.

I'm hoping that the C.I.A. and other covert agencies have caught on to the idea. Through their clandestine channels we can really blast the Middle East with the Mother of all ideological wars. If Iran wants to smuggle bombs and guns into Iraq, then we should plaster the streets of Iran with Britney Spears, marijuana, and feminism (especially feminism. If Gloria Steinem wants to put her money where her mouth is, I challenge her to go campaign in Iran.)

Islamic Capital Crime -- Getting A Manicure

If a sweet, innocent bride in Iraq wants to look pretty on her wedding day, she has to do it in secret. She has to get her beauty work done in underground, back alley salons. If she gets caught, local Islamo-Nazi's will blow her up. If they're in a good mood, they'll only shoot her.

Read about the thriving underground beauty salon industry in Iraq, in this article by Yahoo News.

In "The Art of War," philosopher Sun Tzu wrote: "If your enemy is quick to anger, seek to infuriate him."

Since we see that the beauty of women makes the Jihadi-Nazi's so angry, we must do all we can to help Islamic women get what they need to beautify themselves as much as possible. We need to be flooding Iraq with VOGUE and COSMOPOLITAN by the plane-load. We need to open up bikini boutiques and bridal shops. We need to send them lingerie and prom dresses. We need to get Jose Eber to pack up his scissors and blow dryer and parachute him behind enemy lines.

In the 1960's, American Liberals chanted "question authority" as their mantra. Maybe it's time we spread that abroad. Liberals should be on the front lines of questioning authority in Iraq, they should be marching the streets throwing around shampoo samples. A little known fact of history is that few autocratic regimes can survive the mass disapproval of their women. Empires rise and fall on the support of their wives, mothers, and sisters.

Lipstick Divas of the Iraqi people, arise!